Week 11a

Today in class we critiqued each other's narratives. My classmates seemed to like where mine was headed, but also offered some helpful criticisms. Most of the issues came from the fact that my explanation for why my character went to space didn't make the most sense. One of my classmates suggested that the husband should urge Vala to go back to space, to make him more suspicious. I thought this was a good solution. Another classmate said that it wasn't believable that she could just go on this mission if she wasn't in a higher position. He also said that her decision to go on this trip should seem more important, since it is risking the baby's well-being and birthplace. Most of the people who critiqued my narrative said that I should push the foreshadowing a lot more. Finally, there were some issues with my resolution in that it was too much of a happy ending without much explanation or reasoning. Professor Pannafino also said I needed more conflict. I agree with all of the criticisms I received today and I am going to work on them. For next class we need to write three pages of the script. Here is what I got started in class today:

PAGE 1

Panel 1:
Vala is seen standing in a laboratory over some beakers and test tubes. She is wearing a sterile
looking uniform, which is primarily composed of one zip-up jumpsuit, boots, and a white coat. The
lighting is fluorescent and everything is clean, bright, and white. A digital clock hangs behind her on the wall. A radio is seen behind her.

Narration: The year is 2142.
Radio: … and in other news…

Panel 2:
The shot has zoomed in closer to the clock, which displays the time – 11:47 P.M.

Narration: Wishing to settle down, Vala, an ex-astronaut, has taken a position as a lead
extraterrestrial researcher.
Vala: Oh, no! It’s terribly late. Time has escaped me again.
Radio: … the expedition to Lumaria leaves tomorrow morning…

Panel 3:
Vala is seen in the light of the doorway as she exits the now dark laboratory. Her shadow is cast
on the ground from the lighting of the hallway outside the lab. In this scene, it is evident she is pregnant.
Vala: Another day completed.

Panel 4:
Vala is seen opening the door to her home. It is clean with a slightly futuristic aesthetic. The only
light comes from the sconce which is to the right of the door. Moths fly around the lamp.
Vala: Now to sneak in quiety to bed.